Indiana Alumni Magazine
Back Home … Again
Some recent graduates find themselves part of the boomerang generation as they move in with their parents.
By Rita Colorito
Before the dot-com bubble burst, if you asked graduating seniors whether they would consider moving in with Mom and Dad, you probably would have heard an exasperated chorus of "not in a million years." Mama mia, how times have changed. Facing today's tough economic reality, college grads no longer flinch at the possibility of moving back into their childhood digs. For many, it's a necessary — and smart — financial option.
Reporting on the trend, national media have focused mainly on the negative — jobless 20-somethings move back home to mooch off Mom and Dad. But judging from the IU graduates who have moved back home, once again the Y generation — or the boomerang generation, as it is called in this case — has been unfairly maligned.
"For the vast majority of students and families who practice this, it is a wise and short-term living arrangement. While there may be more 'slackers' than in the past, it is by no means representative of the majority," says IU Bloomington associate professor of applied health science Robert Billingham. Moving back home has become a major topic in his course on parent/child relations.
Billingham says about 10 to 15 percent of his students plan on moving back home. More than 90 percent say they would do it if necessary. In a 2002 online survey by MonsterTRAK.com, a job search firm, 60 percent of college students reported that they planned to move home after graduation, and 22 percent said they planned to stay there for more than a year.
"I planned on going to law school away from home and then immediately moving into an apartment or house," says Morgan Wills, BS'02, a first-year student at the Louis D. Brandeis School of Law at the University of Louisville. Instead, to keep her cost of living down, Wills moved into her childhood home across the river in Lanesville, Ind.
"Life is definitely a lot easier financially," says Wills. "It's hard to support living expenses while also making loan payments or paying $20,000 a year for law school."
MONEY MATTERS
Dave Carson, president of CHEM Group in Evansville, Ind., says he was "in shock" when his son, David Jason Carson, wanted to work for him and move in with him and his wife, David Jason's stepmother. "Just to be able to be with my son during his emerging work effort was, I thought, beneficial," says Carson. So he agreed.
After receiving his bachelor's degree in 2000 from the Kelley School of Business at IUPUI, David Jason lived in Indianapolis for a year, working for one of his father's competitors. When his company wanted to transfer him in summer 2001, he decided to move back home rather than relocate to another state.
"I have a lot of friends and family here and thought it would be a great place to live," says David Jason. "So far, I like living here."
Still, fiscal responsibility motivates many students who move back home. Not surprising, given that many graduating students carry tremendous financial burdens, saddled with an average of $20,402 in education loans and credit card debt combined, according to a 2001 study by student-loan lender Nellie Mae.
The tightening job market also blindsided those with visions of post-college independence. According to a national survey conducted by the Collegiate Employment Research Institute at Michigan State University, 2002 graduates faced a 6 to 13 percent decrease in job opportunities, compared to 2001. The most recent CERI report, published in November, projects that the overall hiring level for 2003 graduates will remain unchanged from last year, with the market for master's graduates declining by 3 percent.
Some recent graduates consider living with their parents a chance to build their own nest egg. John Couleur, BA'00, moved to his parents' home on graduation day. With a job as a financial consultant in his father's firm, Couleur could have struck out on his own, but he chose to save his money.
"Over those two years, I was able to save considerable funds, purchase a car, and make many financial investments," says Couleur. Last July he moved into his own place in Buffalo Grove, Ill., with Eric Anderson, BS'99.
Wayne Phaup, BS'01, also chose the live-at-home investment strategy. A consultant with Deloitte & Touche in Chicago, Phaup lives with his parents 25 miles away in Munster, Ind.
"Knowing that the job would require a great deal of travel, I didn't think it made much sense, practically or financially, to secure a place of my own in Chicago," says Phaup, who is saving to go to graduate school in the next few years.
"If I lived in an apartment, I'd have no money saved at this point," says Nicole Roales, BAJ'00, who pays exorbitant medical bills because of a complicated health condition. Roales originally wanted to pursue a publishing career but didn't want to move to New York City. Instead she moved back home to Kokomo, Ind., and became a reporter for the Kokomo Tribune.
Now an assistant features editor for the Tribune, Roales wrote about her experiences of living at home for the Indianapolis Monthly last May. In her research, she discovered that sociologists are calling this trend the "quarter-life crisis."
TRANSITION TIME
For young graduates like Roales, moving home provides a breather between college and the real world — a time to figure out what they really want to do.
"I've been trying to decide what to do with myself for the rest of my life," Roales says. "Now, after some examination, I want to go to law school. So I'm still living at home to save money, prepare for the LSAT, and I've even taking continuing education classes at IUK."
She plans to move out later this year. "I think three years at home is enough," says Roales. "Although my parents would let me live here past that, I'm ready to be on my own."
Maureen Keller, BAJ'01, had a marketing job lined up before graduation but then realized she wanted to pursue teaching instead. At the beginning of her senior year, she decided that she'd live with her parents in Fishers, Ind., after graduation. She felt she was still in too much transition to get her own place.
"I didn't want to make a lot of rental commitments I couldn't get out of," says Keller.
In fall 2002, Keller began taking classes at IU's School of Education, to get her teaching license in special education. In her spare time, she teaches adult classes in English as a Second Language and for people pursuing a GED. She also works as a substitute teacher.
Keller says her parents didn't influence her decision. "They just wanted me to be happy," she says.
Julia Gerhardt's parents hoped she would move back home. "I come from a tight-knit family, and they missed me while I was in Indiana," says Gerhardt, BME'01.
After her December 2001 Commencement, she headed down to her parents' home in suburban Atlanta. A music education major, Gerhardt was unsure whether she wanted to pursue teaching and, if so, at what grade level. She used the time to reflect on her career path.
Gerhardt and her parents agreed she could move back home for six months, rent-free. If she lived there longer, she would have to pay rent. "They were glad to help me out, although they made sure that I understood that it was a temporary assignment," says Gerhardt.
Luckily, she met their deadline, moving to her own apartment in April 2002. Gerhardt began a full-time job last fall as an assistant band director for the Lost Mountain Middle School in Kennesaw, Ga., and lives in Acworth, 90 minutes from her parents' place.
DAILY LIFE
Besides financial benefits, return nesters enjoy other residual perks.
"Having my mom around to help with making dinner or to help with laundry is great because law school is so time-consuming," Wills says.
But after four years of college independence, moving back to the nest requires some lifestyle adjustments. Typical conflicts often revolve around the ground rules and who makes them.
Billingham advises parents and children to work out a lease agreement. "A lease forces all the parties to discuss their expectations before they become a problem," he says.
"The greatest challenge for me was adjusting to living back under their roof, with their rules, and giving up much of my freedom and private life," Couleur says. "No matter how old you are, they still treat you like a kid."
"Both the parents and child must work to remember that this is now a collection of adults," Billingham says. "It is easy to revert back to the 'old ways.' Both parents and child must be on their guard to prevent that from happening."
During the summer before law school, Wills and her mother argued over Wills' busy nightlife. "I was never home, and I was spending a lot of money," Morgan Wills reports. "She agreed to not get upset about my being out a lot as long as I watched the spending. I go out to socialize, not to drink myself under the table, so it was a fair agreement."
Robert Billingham, an IU Bloomington applied health sciences professor, offers these guidelines:
1. Work out a lease agreement that addresses issues such as curfews, boyfriend/girlfriend sleepovers, and household chores.
2. Pay rent, even if it's only a symbolic amount.
3. Decide on a temporary time frame and stick with it.
4. Respect each other's property.
"I told her she was always welcome as long as she stayed considerate of my needs as well as hers," says her mother, Shirley Wills, who earned her bachelor's degree in business from IU Southeast in May 2000.
A basic consideration for most parents is to call home when you're late. "Reporting in is a little strange," says Morgan Wills, who hadn't lived at home since leaving for IU Bloomington in August 1998. But the courtesy works both ways. Shirley calls Morgan whenever she'll be late or if her schedule changes.
Billingham also encourages children to pay rent, even if it's only a symbolic amount. "There's nothing like giving your parents money to remind them that you are more than a child," he says.
When Couleur lived with his parents, he paid rent comparable to rates in the Chicago area where they live. "It's something that I suggested to my parents so that when I decided to move out, I would have a better understanding of my budget and wouldn't be affected significantly going from, let's say, paying nothing to $750," says Couleur.
Although Keller and Carson don't pay rent, they help out around the house. Wills, who is prohibited from working under first-year law school rules, chips in for groceries. Roales pays for her cell phone, Internet access, and, most important, her own health insurance, a major cost for parents to consider when letting their children move back.
Living en famille also poses some love-life challenges.
"If we want to have a romantic dinner, like we did on Valentine's Day, we just do that at his apartment," says Roales, who has been dating someone for the past year.
"It's hard to date a guy casually when you know bringing them home means meeting your mother," says Morgan Wills. "That can kind of scare them off."
Children aren't the only ones who need to modify their behavior.
"Mom and Dad don't watch their language quite as much as they used to," says Gerhardt. "It's funny sometimes to hear my parents talking like my friends."
Since she moved back home, Wills and her mother have developed a closer relationship. "It is great having Morgan at home for a while," says Shirley Wills. "She brings a young perspective to things she does."
Billingham says a temporary move back home shouldn't adversely affect the relationship between parents and children. "There is very little effect, other than the parents may not be so willing to chase each other around the house naked anymore," says Billingham. But he cautions, "If the arrangement begins to be viewed as more long term, then the entire parent/child relationship can be affected."
"They are back home for a reason, so support them, not just financially but emotionally too," says Dave Carson. "That process will give them the confidence to move on."
NO STIGMA
Those who move back home say they feel little stigma about their decision from their peers. According to the 2000 census, nearly 4 million people between the ages of 25 and 34 live with their parents, nearly double what it was 50 years ago.
"The only friends I have who left home were those who had a job offer before graduation," says Keller. "My friends who live in Chicago consider me lucky."
Morgan Wills says most of her friends don't mind her living arrangement. "My mom is very cool about me having my own life," says Morgan, who has her own bedroom and separate living space in the attic.
"I have friends who say they can't imagine how I have not gone crazy, but that's only because they constantly fight with their parents," says Roales. An only child, she reports that moving back home has posed few challenges for her and her parents.
"I've always had a close relationship with my parents. Sometimes I crave the privacy afforded only to someone living alone, but I also see how much debt my friends are in, and I'm glad I don't have that added stress," she says.
"I have friends who took new jobs in the last year, and they are now jobless, with bills and rent adding up," she adds.
Billingham expects the trend to move back home to continue if the economy remains tight or worsens. "When the economy is good and the students can afford to move out, they will," he says.
"Overall, I'm glad that I moved home. In fact, I wouldn't have had it any other way," Gerhardt says. "Moving from college into the 'real' world isn't easy. Having my family as a support system smoothed the transition." 
Rita Colorito, former assistant editor of this magazine, is a free-lance writer in the Cincinnati area.